From Victim to Victor

From my book -- Beyond Blaming
One of my clients was an extremely stressed-out manager who saw the job and the people he worked with as the cause of his stress. I talked to his employees and colleagues. What came up was his tendency to criticize customers and other leaders in the organization in front of his employees. He admitted he did that. We talked about what results he was producing with his behavior.

He began to see that he was teaching his employees to complain about and blame customers and leaders in other departments. He affected customer service in a negative way by blaming and teaching others to blame. He was undermining his own authority by blaming others and making himself appear powerless. His focus on things he could not change created his stress. His "venting" did not release stress, but created more of it for himself and his employees. Each time he complained he became angry, which was a problem for his employees.

Seeing himself in this way was a shock. He didn't want to be a victim. He immediately stopped "venting" in front of his employees. His employees needed him to be a leader and an example. They needed his help in solving problems, not to be a sounding board for his problems. Other leaders needed him to listen and take effective action. He became aware of these needs and stepped up. As a result, most of his stress disappeared.

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