No Blaming and healthcare

In the healthcare debate one group is claiming victory. We won!  The other group can't wait for a new administration to come in and get rid of it.

No one has won as long as so many people are in conflict. What would be a no blaming approach?

When I step back I see that both sides have good points. I see that most people have not read it and are going by what they have heard. I see that, in many ways, this has turned into a pro or anti Obama thing, rather than a real debate about healthcare. It's not Obamacare. He did not create it by himself.

A no blaming approach would be to have a dialogue about what really needs to happen regarding healthcare in this country.  From the start, this has been a partisan ping pong ball that has been smacked back and forth. Take the politics out and ask the question: "What would be best for all concerned? How do we balance the needs of people who need care with those of care providers, insurance companies, and state and federal governments?

As long as we are playing the blaming game there will be conflict that no one really wins.


William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming
found at   http://noblaming.com

What works?

Blaming is not a solution; it is, itself, a problem. The mindset of "I'm right and you're wrong" doesn't work. What does work?  A vision that allows everyone opportunity to to express, grow, and prosper.

A society that offers freedom of expression cannot function effectively if one religion or one political agenda  dominates.  The need to be right must be replaced by the need to work effectively together. We need leaders who are less partisan and more pragmatic.

We need to listen to each other and understand, even if we can't fathom why someone would feel the way they do.


from Beyond Blaming, by William Frank Diedrich
http://noblaming.com

You are powerful!

You are a powerful being. You have choices. Think about a situation in your life that seems unsolvable. What would you like to see happen? What is your vision? Focus on the results you want, not the current issues that you don't want. A focus on blaming and being a victim weakens you and has you waiting for external factors to change.

Envision what you want and take at least two steps toward it today. Imagine success. Feel it.  Trust in your inner resources, your connection to Spirit, your many gifts and talents.

Blame and complaining will feed your fears.  Visioning and action will feed your dreams.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming found at
http://noblaming.com

A No Blaming Day

Practice awareness today.  Hourly, check in with how you feel.  Are you blaming? Are you complaining?

Blaming is resistance to what is.  Determine what you can control and what you can't. Focus on what you can control--your thinking and your behavior. How are you impacting the other person or the situation? What does the other person(s) need?   Can you help them meet their needs? What is your goal? What can you do that will help you move toward your goal? This is responsiveness.

A focus on blaming (resistance) has you feeling powerless, and sometimes aggressive toward others. A focus on being responsive to the people and situation provides you with choices. Stay aware. Turn blaming into positive action.
William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming.   http://noblaming.com

No Blaming / Possibility Thinking

Problems are always opportunities for greatness. They are the  doorways through which we must walk to find success. The choice to succeed is always ours. We can choose to be a victim, make others 

out to be enemies, and invest in the drama. The alternative is to choose to shake free of blaming and soar to the heights of possibility. 

Possibility thinking is the ability to see a positive potential in any situation. A possibility thinker moves beyond blaming into the realm of potential success by refusing to blame, refusing to be a victim, and 

claiming responsibility.  This is the choice you make each and every waking moment of  your day. With each thought you are either moving forward into greater possibilities, or you are disempowering yourself with blaming. 
Quoted from Beyond Blaming found at  http://noblaming.com

No blaming birthday

Today is my birthday and I celebrate 63 years on the planet. In these many years I am blessed and grateful. My father passed away at age 62. I don't think either of my grandfathers made it past this age either. The rest of my life is a gift.

There have been many challenges in my life. None of them are the fault of someone or something. I create my experience. It's up to me to respond as effectively as I am able to anything that comes up. It is no one's job to make me happy except mine. I own my emotions. I own my memories. I own my behavior. I affect others, and I need to always become aware of my impact. The Universe is my playground, my theatre, and I get to play in it. Or work. I have choices and that gives me power.

I will teach who I am. My thoughts, emotions, words, and behaviors are the examples I put forth to the world. If you who are reading this are in my life, then I have made a good choice. Blessings to all.
Bill

Conversation

In a real conversation, there is no blaming.  The goal of conversation is mutual understanding. I 

listen to you. You listen to me. We may or may not agree, but we do 

understand each other. In conversation we are conscious of the needs 

and concerns of the other person.

from Beyond Blaming 

found at

http://noblaming.com

Success

Focus your passion on your goal, your vision. Focus your thoughts on what you can do.  You may think that goal attainment will make you feel better.  Actually, feeling better will help you accomplish your goals.

The attainment of a goal is not what makes you successful. Success is a gift you give to yourself.  You tell yourself that whether you meet the goal or not, you are okay.  You are whole. You give yourself unconditional positive regard.  This is the mindset of your success. Your well-being is not attached to outcomes.

Adapted from the book, Beyond Blaming, found at
http://noblaming.com

non-attachment

We are more likely to find success when we let go of 

our need to control the results. As we focus on managing our thoughts 

rather than the behavior of others, we become more powerful.


From the book:  Beyond Blaming, found at http://noblaming.com

Sitting On Your But

"I'd like to be honest, but she won't listen."  "I'd like to work well with that guy, but he's a jerk." But is the great negator.
Anger and frustration with other people are signs that I am not taking full responsibility. I am sitting on my but. I am blaming them for my inability to move forward. As long as I am sitting on my but, I have only two options:

1.  Continue to struggle and make little of no progress.
2. Use force to get what I want. Force always creates counter force.

Isn't it time that those of us who call ourselves leaders get off our but's and started leading?

from Beyond Blaming.  http://noblaming.com

Influence

Influence with people is increased when we see ourselves as connected to others. We cannot influence from a place of disconnection. Blaming is disconnection. Being responsive to others is connection.
From Beyond Blaming. Available at http://noblaming.com .

Real Power

Self righteous anger makes us feel powerful but does little to solve problems or help us succeed. Real power comes not from blaming what is, but from envisioning what can be.
Quoted from Beyond Blaming.  Available at  http://noblaming.com

From Blaming to Positive Emotion

Repetitive blaming becomes hard-wired into our brains 

and the very cells of our bodies. We become addicted to the emotions 

of blaming. We can overcome our addiction with our intention and 

willingness to let it go. You are not your emotions. You experience 

emotions. As the observer of your thoughts and emotions, you are 

capable of releasing them and creating positive emotion instead.

What if there no blaming in the election?

What if, during this presidential election year, there was no blaming? What if each candidate put forth his vision and the means by which he intended to accomplish it? What if each candidate demonstrated his record of achievements. They only blame each each other because we listen. What if you refused to be influenced by the blaming and focused on clearly identifying ehat each has to offer? What if you respectfully declined to blame your least favorite candidate and spoke for your most favorite one? The current system is an adversarial one that we support everytime we join in the the negativity. What is best for this country? Who is most qualified to lead in your opinion? Who is more of a statesman and less partisan? You can influence the system by refusing to blame and by expecting your candidate to do what is best for the country.

There is no blame.

What if no one is to blame. What are you accountable for? Can you make adjustments to change it? What are others accountable for? Can you help them take ownership and make changes?

When there is no blame, things get done. Positive change happens.

Directness

One of the biggest issues I see in organizations is the unwillingness of people to be direct with each other. We are afraid of the reaction we might get. It's easier to complain to someone else.

What if you spoke to the other person as if they were a human being just like you? Tell the kind truth and then be willing to listen. It is a risk. The pain of holding it in and complaining to others is often worse. Besides, your kind honesty might help someone.

No Blaming: healing begins

Blaming is always a self inflicted wound. When you blame you make yourself a victim and being a victim hurts.  What if you owned the situation? What if you gave up your blaming story and said: "This is mine. I'm going to decide what I want and find a way to move forward." It's no longer about someone else. Now the healing begins.

No Blaming in Relationships

In relationships there is no blame. You are in the relationship by choice. The other person is not supposed to meet your needs. When you express your needs as expectations, as have-to's, or as demands, you trap the other person in your web. When you express your needs as requests, as an invitation to help you, the other person is free to choose. Is it okay with you if the other person can't meet all your needs on some days? Is it okay that some days you would feel unable to meet someone's needs?

Each is the owner of his/her needs. My partner does not own my needs.  In an adult relationship there are no victims, no blaming, because each of us is unconditionally accountable for our own well-being. We contribute to each other's well-being because we want to, not because we have to.

No blaming: Being Yourself

In uncomfortable situations, people often say "I can't be myself." This is a form of blaming where you say that someone or something else is responsible for  your decision not to be yourself.   In an uncomfortable situation or relationship, step back and ask: "Is this who I am?" The pain of not being you outweighs the risk of truly being you in front of others.

It doesn't work to blame others for your unwillingness to be yourself in front of them. Speaking up will not always get others to change, but at the very least, you have been congruent with your true self. This is integrity.

No Blaming: Blaming is an excuse not to be ...

Blaming is an excuse not to be powerful, accountable, responsible. The real question is not "Whose fault is it?" The real question is "What impact did I have on it?"  and now that you have assumed responsibility, "What impact could I have? What am I willing to do?"  You can spend a long time waiting for someone else to make things right for you. Without blaming you are powerful.

No Blaming

Beyond blaming lies opportunity, freedom, and power. When we blame we convince ourselves that someone is wrong, bad, or incompetent.  If we stay stuck in this place of blaming and complaining, there is no real change. We are unable to see real opportunities for growth and change. We become victims of people and circumstances. As a victim we have no choice.

When we move beyond blaming we find freedom--freedom from guilt and fear. We are free to move forward.  We find that we are powerful. As powerful people we recognize that we have choices--choices about what to think, what to say, and what to do.

How do you move beyond blaming? You decide. You shift your focus from what you don't like and don't want to what you do like and do want.  Then you begin planning how to get there. You might not know exactly how you'll get there, but you start anyway. Envision what you want and take the first steps.