Blaming is circular. You put it out there, and it comes back to you. Conflict involves collusion. When you are convinced someone is bad, evil, inconsiderate, selfish, etc., you need for that person to act in those ways. That way your blaming is justified. The conflict continues because you are in it together.
Blaming is a story you tell yourself. Who are you when you tell that story? What if you dropped the story? Who would you be then? Do you really need the story? Does it serve you?
Without our stories of blame we begin to see others differently. This is not to ignore poor behavior. Don't blame poor behavior; deal with it. You learn to deal with it effectively when you learn to stop being offended. Take nothing personally.
Tell the kind truth. There is no need for blaming or collusion. Tell the straight-forward, kind truth with the intent of being helpful. Listen and be empathetic, but there is no excuse for continued bad behavior.
William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming
at http://noblaming.com
No comments:
Post a Comment