When you blame someone you hold them prisoner. You bind them to you in a way that causes pain. You set a goal that cannot be accomplished--that they would undo what they did; or that they would feel guilty for it; or that they would suffer in return.
The promise of blaming is that you can make someone feel bad enough to make you feel good. No matter how bad they feel, it's never enough.
You are the jailer and you hold the key. Release them -- parents, children, relatives, friends, co-workers, anyone who you believe has caused you harm.
Whenever you feel the constriction of anger and hurt, you condemn yourself along with the culprit. When you release them from blame, you release yourself. This does not mean you open yourself to more hurt. Set boundaries. Be clear about who you are. Take care of yourself.
It doesn't mean being nice. Be honest, yet kind. Be hard if you need to be, yet see the other as a real person. To release blame is simply to refuse to carry it with you. It is to choose freedom for yourself instead of bondage. It is the intention to live not as a victim, but as the powerful being you are meant to be. To be blameless is to be free.
William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming
at http://noblaming.com
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