Most of our ideas about ourselves and the world were created when we were small, defenseless, and somewhat powerless. As children we depended upon adults for most of our well-being. Some of us were fighters and learned that being aggressive often brought us what we wanted. Others found that being submissive, if it didn’t bring us what we wanted, at the very least, it afforded us a measure of safety. We learned to manage as small beings in a world run by big people.
As adults we are no longer small people living in a world run by big people. Despite this, most of us feel a sense of smallness and resort to either submitting to the “big” people (those whom we see as having authority) or rebelling against them. Both submissiveness and rebellion are child-like reactions.
When we grow up, it is up to us to create a healthy identity. Growing up is about learning to manage identities and emotions. It is a sorting out process where we determine which identities and which beliefs we hold are helpful and which are not. If you do not take the time to sort things out for yourself, you will continue to operate as a child.
As an adult, tendencies toward submission or rebellion are temporary, lasting until that moment when we remember that we are adults.
Adapted from Adults at Work
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