Images and Sound Bytes

The world appears to be made of images and sound bytes, but it isn't. One picture or one comment, framed a certain way, can make or destroy a career.

We use images and sound bytes to justify those we agree with, and to condemn those with whom we disagree. 

Are you willing to look deeper, to question the images and bytes of those who seemingly agree with you?  The purpose of images and bytes is to create an immediate emotional reaction. Do you comply without questioning, without contemplation or meditation, without logic or intuition, like so many lemmings running off the cliff?

We live in the matrix. Political and religious conflicts are part of the world that has been pulled over our eyes.  All is not as it appears.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming    http://adults-at-work.com

Emotional Intelligence

We all have emotions. I am often amazed at how many different emotions I experience in a day--anger, fear, joy, hopelessness, enthusiasm, appreciation, guilt, hope, confidence, bliss--all in the same day.

I am the experiencer of these emotions, but also the observer. As the observer I make decisions.
If I am in a state of hopelessness (depression) I cannot instantly turn it.  I observe it, feel it, accept it, experience it (Who am I being when I feel hopeless?).  I don't analyze it. I let it flow over me and through me-- like I'm standing on a sandbar in Lake Michigan and a big wave washes over me and knocks me down.  I get up. Same with anger or fear.  I am not afraid of my negative emotions. Why would I be afraid of what I have created?  I take responsibility for my experience.

I ask myself what I want.  Joy?  Peace?  Connection?  Then I head in that direction, cultivating the experience I desire.  I call forth my Higher Self (Spirit, ..)  to help me see things differently.

The intention to move through the negative and experience something positive is like turning the rudder on a ship. It takes a little while for the ship to actually turn.

My goal today is the experience of confidence and joy. The universe is my playground, and I want to enjoy it thoroughly. Negative experiences may occur, and I will move through them with a kind of awkward grace.  I am grateful for my emotions and for the intelligence to make friends with them.

William Frank Diedrich,
author of The Road Home, Beyond Blaming, and
Adults at Work.  Found at http://adults-at-work.com

Are you committed?

Years ago I went horseback riding with a friend. I had no riding experience but was assured by my friend who owned the horses that there was nothing to worry about. We saddled up, mounted, and headed down the trail. Suddenly my friend's horse became excited and took off at a gallup. My horse followed. I had signed on for a ride but did not expect a gallup. Fear took over and I had only one thought in my mind: "Get me off this horse." My wish was granted.

I fell off the horse and had the wind knocked out of me. Other than a sore back, I was unhurt. At first I blamed the horse for my experience, but I realized that my horse was just doing what horses do. Then I blamed my friend, who I thought should have had her horse under control. I realized that the problem was in me.

When I mounted that horse, I had a vision in mind. It was a vision of adventure and excitement. When the horse delivered I wanted out. I fell off the horse because I had forgotten why I signed up for the ride in the first place. My message to myself--"Get me off this horse!"--showed that I was not really committed to the ride. Had I clarified my commitment, I would have offered myself a different message, something like: "Hold on!" Had I held on, I may have experienced the ride of my life!

I allowed fear to dictate my actions rather than my vision. People get themselves into situations--a job, a relationship, an adventure--and then things get rough. If fear takes over, you may forget why you signed up in the first place. You are accountable. Commitment means to learn and do whatever it takes to succeed. It is to create a vision or a goal, and then align your thinking and your behavior with the direction you have chosen.

What do you want?

Excerpted from  Adults at Work, by 

William Frank Diedrich

available at 

http://adults-at-work.com

Appearances

When I was a young teacher I taught a sixth grade Science class. One boy came in each day and sat on the floor under a table, while all the other students sat at desks.  Probably, today he would be diagnosed as autistic or something similar.  I let him be. I saw no reason to force him to sit at a desk. He didn't take notes and did not ask questions or participate in discussion.  He wouldn't make eye contact but he would say hello and good-bye when I addressed him each day.

After a few weeks of that Science unit I gave a test. He scored 97%, highest in the class.

As humans we make lots of assumptions based on appearances. This causes us to think that we understand someone or that we know what is best for them.  We don't.  I don't know what happened to that boy, but I suspect he taught me more than I taught him.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Adults at Work, and Beyond Blaming,
available at http://noblaming.com

Moving through Fear and Depression

Sometimes it seems like fear or depression or some negative emotion is out of your control. It seeps in and doesn't want to leave. The typical response is to escape--watch TV, eat, medicate yourself--and those strategies are at best, temporary, and at worst, addictive.

Try this instead. Find a quiet space and a quiet time and dive in. Dive into the negative and just experience it. Don't analyze, because you can't think your way out of it.

Face your demons and know that fear is not something you need be afraid of.  Feel it. Welcome it. Let it run its course. This morning I dove in. I experienced the discomfort--I danced with it--and now I feel lighter, stronger, ready to play this day.

Do not judge yourself. What you feel is not wrong or right--it just is.

When you are ready to let it go, then let it go. Move forward into your day with confidence and the strength you have already proven that you own.  Call forth your "Higher Power" and ask for the wisdom and the vision to see yourself as you truly are. You are beautiful. You are made in the image of Love.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
The Road Home,
Beyond Blaming, and
Adults at Work.
http://adults-at-work.com

Judgment and perception

Judgment creates perception. We each see what we want to see.

If I think a leader is incompetent, no matter what s/he does, I will see incompetence.
If I think a leader is great, no matter what s/he does, I will see greatness.

My perception confirms my judgment. I present it as fact, yet it is not.

We do not see another as long as we are caught by our own judgments. We see only the image we have constructed of another. Our perceptions of others are self-fulfilling prophesies we believe as real.

In order to see clearly,  judgment must be set aside. Give it up! Don't believe what you think of someone else because it probably isn't true.  See them with new eyes. Call forth that which is highest and best in you (Higher Self, Spirit, etc.) and intend that you will see someone exactly as they are.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work.
http://adults-at-work.com

Reference: ACIM

Feel it to heal it

As we resist, we suffer. We mistakenly believe that we can rid ourselves of painful experiences by attacking and defeating them. This only makes them stronger. The way to resolve our negative emotions is to accept and to  feel them. 

From Adults at Work, by William Frank Diedrich

http://noblaming.com

Speak with Authority

"Speak without fear. In order to fully communicate to others, you must speak with authority. If you are fearful, your communication will be blurred, and people will not know what you mean or what you want."

From Adults at Work by William Frank Diedrich 

Available at http://adults-at-work.com

The world is inside your mind

Your world and your life are inside your mind.  Things seem to be happening around you, yet you give them the meaning they have for you. You decide what is good or bad or important or unimportant.

Let's rewind that. You don't decide. Your conditioning decides that for you. You behave automatically based on past learning.

However, you can become the "Decider" by becoming aware--aware of your emotions, and thoughts, and the stories that you tell yourself. These internals, not the outside world, determine your experience.
You live from the inside out.

Start now with these three questions:
1. How do you feel right now?
2.  What role or identity are you playing in your mind and body? (victim, not good enough, powerful, happy, sad, angry?)  How are you defining others?
3. How can I see more clearly? If you pray, this is a good time. Ask to see clearly, as people and things truly are, minus the opinions and judgments. Disengage your ego and its need to defend and attack, to compare and criticize.

Stop often and take inventory of your state of being. This takes you off "automatic" and allows you to choose your thoughts and behaviors. It allows you to reframe, to see differently.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work,
http://noblaming.com

Forgiveness

Some people say that some things are unforgiveable.
That's like saying:  "An event or series of events was hurtful and I am going to keep on being hurt. I am going to make myself suffer because somehow that will make the world right."

Let it go! Free yourself of all blaming, of others and of yourself. Forgiveness is the gift that you give to yourself. Which do you want more: the pain of hurtful memories, or the experience of a joyful life? They are your thoughts. You are creating your experience in this moment. What do you want?

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming
http://noblaming.com

Be Happy!

Be happy!
That is my goal.
This means I will:
•  Think thoughts that lead me to happiness.
•  Take actions that lead toward happiness.
•  Relate to others in ways that lead to happiness.
•  Be a happy person in any situation.

This is not a message of positive thinking. It is a message of alignment. If you want something, you must become it, immerse yourself in it. No one can give it to you. You must accept, feel, and then release emotions that contradict the goal. Generate love and joy within yourself. Reach out to your Higher Self (Higher Power) for guidance, for how to reinterpret your world.)

All humans seek to control their experience. It is the prime motivation. Control exercised externally leads to frustration and unhappiness. Control exercised internally is the path to happiness.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming
http://noblaming.com

Adult Organizations

Leadership  driven by authority operates on several myths:

•  That ordering people about is the best way to get things done.

•  That blaming and criticism are the best way to learn.

•   That your job is to please your boss.

•  That you must optimize yourself and/or your department.

In an adult organization:

•  People are vision and value driven, not authority driven.

•  Building on people's strengths is the way to get things done.

•  Your job is to produce results  (That serve your customer or that help your colleagues)

•  We focus on the highest good for the organization and those who are served.

It's time our organizations grew up!

William Frank Diedrich, author of 

Adults at Work,

http://adults-at-work.com

Faith

It is important to move forward in faith--faith that things will work out. It is amazing how many things we put our faith in--opinions about others, worries about the future, the words of a radio pundit.

Opinions, worries, and pundits are of little value, unless of course, you place value on them. How much do you value yourself, your purpose, your connection to your Higher Power?

Take a deep breath and step forward, even though you can't see the future. Have confidence, but not blind confidence. Pay attention and make adjustments as needed.  You are here for a reason!


William Frank Diedrich,
author of The Road Home: The Journey Beyond The Spiritual Quick Fix.
Find it at http://noblaming.com/Books.html

What's your bottom line today?

Envision the kind of day you will have.  Joyous? Peaceful?  Love-filled?
Let this be your goal.  This doesn't mean that life will magically supply you with joy or peace or love.

To set this vision means that you will seek it in everyone and everything. It means that this will be your response to every person and event. It means that this is your bottom line for today--you will accept nothing less than joy, or peace or love, or whatever vision you set.

It's not about what the world will give you today--it is about what you will give to the world. And what you give you will receive.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming, and Adults at Work,
http://noblaming.com

What do you want?

What do you want?

Most of us are clear about what we don't want, because we spend so much time thinking (and blaming and complaining about it.)

Do you want joy?  Then stop focusing on everything that makes you hurt, or sad, or angry.

Go inside and find the joy there, and let yourself feel it. True joy, love, happiness do not come from other people or circumstances. You must find them in your own heart and mind. Find it and feel it.

In life, the inside creates the outside, not the reverse. You cannot change the world, but you can give the world someone different to respond to. It will then respond to your joy. You are a center of influence.  It's not about what life is giving to you. What are you giving to life? Give what you want to receive.

William Frank Diedrich
author of Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work.
http://noblaming.com

Choose Who You Will Be

We see the world as a series of causes and effects.  If you blame someone, you see yourself as an effect.

You are the creator of your own experience, so you are cause.

You want to be cause. Cause is the only way you have any power. Take reponsibility for your experience in each and every circumstance. Responsibility, not blame. Own it. Ask yourself: Who am I being?  How does that make me feel? How does it make me act? Is this who you want to be?

You can choose who you will be.

Beyond Blaming, by
William Frank Diedrich
http://noblaming.com

We are just too damn wimpy!

As I stepped into the lake this morning, it felt cold. I hesitated, not wanting to feel the discomfort. As I was hesitating I asked "What is my intention?" I want to to go in the lake. Then why am I waiting? Either go in or don't. I moved quickly into the water. It took several minutes for my body to adjust, but when it did, I enjoyed the water for over an hour.

If we don't enjoy life or live our purpose, it isn't because people or situations stop us. We are just too damn wimpy! Make your intention crystal clear and then align your thoughts and actions. There may be discomfort as you leave the "comfort zone" and move forward. What do you want?

Whatever your dream is, do it. Accept your calling. Totally immerse yourself in the effort.  There are no excuses and whining is unbecoming of you.  You can do this!

William Frank Diedrich
Beyond Blaming
http://noblaming.com

Do you really want that?

Sometimes we tell ourselves that we really want something, but we are scared to actually have it.

Then things don't work out and we blame someone, or something, or ourselves.

Secretly we are relieved to have failed, and to have someone or something to blame for it. That becomes your story. These kinds of stories are boring. You are better than that.

If you say you want something, ask yourself if you REALLY want it. Then go for it and don't look back. Trust the Universe to open up to you.  You can't control what actually happens, but you can control what you intend and how you respond to opportunities when they appear.

Hold the vision and act.

William Frank Diedrich,
author of Beyond Blaming at
http://noblaming.com

Disinfect

Disinfect your workplace, home, or community from blaming and complaining.
Stop doing it!
Love others as they are, and speak always from your true voice.
Others will be inspired by you.

William Frank Diedrich
author of Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

Attend one of Bill's workshops, For Adults Only,
in September in Grand Rapids, East Lansing, or Kalamazoo.
Click on the link above and then click on "workshops."

Vision

Your opinion of yourself is your vision for yourself.
How do you see yourself?  Not good enough? Then that is your vision--that you are not good enough in your life.  Someone who has value?  Then that is your vision, that you have value to offer.

Your opinion of another person is your vision for that person.

To envision greatness, or love, or success in yourself or another, you must see that it is already there.
It's a seed ready to sprout. Just as the oak is already inside the acorn, the butterfly is already inside the caterpillar, so your success/wealth/love/creativity is already within you.

Nurture yourself, and nurture your vision.


William Frank Diedrich
author of Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

Blame or Bless?

To blame: To see the worst in someone. To project one's own fears on to another. To desire some punishment for a person.

To bless: To see the best in someone. To project one's love on to another. To desire only the highest good for a person.

Each moment with each thought, toward yourself or toward another, you either blame or you bless.

What do want to come of this day? You will choose to blame or to bless, and that will make all the difference.

William Frank Diedrich
author of Beyond Blaming
http://noblaming.com

Be Creative!

You  are  center of influence.  Everything you think, feel, say, and do has an effect on others -- on the world. You teach people how to respond to you. You teach the world how to respond to you. 

Be creative!

William Frank Diedrich

Author of Beyond Blaming

at http://noblaming.com

Start Over

Think for a moment, Who are the people you blame, hold responsible, resent, or otherwise feel negatively toward?
Add them up and that's a lot of weight to carry. Bless them and let them go.
If you resist this, how does your holding on benefit you?
Wouldn't you rather be at peace, free of all hurt and anger?
Start over today, letting go, lighter, more free, with a whole world of possibilities.

Beyond Blaming
William Frank Diedrich
http://noblaming.com

Cross the Line

Growing up, true success, happiness, and spiritual growth are all reachable once you cross this line:
Take full responsibility for your life.

Responsibility is not blame. It is the ability to respond.
No one is to blame for where you are right now.
What is, is. Face it. Own it. Envision where you want to go.
Take the first step.
You are much more powerful than you think.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

No Permission Needed

You need no one's permission to be the person you want to be.
That being the case, there is no one to blame for who you become.
There are only choices to be made.
If you chose poorly, choose again.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

What kind of day will today be?

What kind of day will today be?

You will decide.

Things will happen that you cannot control, but you will determine your experience.

Pour love into whatever you do today, and into whomever you meet.

Be the person who reaches out, who steps up, who offers understanding, and who forgives.

Be the person who is open, who is courageous, and creative.

Be love.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming found at
http;//noblaming.com

Idiots and Others

Other people assume the role you assign to them.
If someone is your tormentor, it is because you have given that person the role.
If someone is an idiot, it is because you have cast him to play that role in your life.

You are the creator of your experience.
Reality is not "out there." It's being created moment to moment in your mind.

Blame is a distortion of reality. It's a story.
The stories you tell yourself make up reality as you know it.

What can you do?  Take responsibility for your experience.
Who are you being when you call that person an idiot, a tormentor, or bad?
What do you want your experience to be?

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming  found at
http://noblaming.com

Who Would you be?

We spend so much time running from fear.
Eating, drinking, watching TV, anything to avoid the discomfort.
We blame people and situations to avoid the perceived pain of personal responsibility.

What if you faced it? What if you allowed yourself to face the fear, to feel it?
What if you assumed unconditional accountability for everything in your life,
no excuses, no blaming, no defensiveness?

When it comes to fear, the only way out, is through it.
Fear is only a feeling. Who are you when you are afraid? A victim?
Someone powerless? Someone not good enough?

Whoever you are when you are in fear, it's just an identity that you have constructed. It's not real.
Beneath the fear is a treasure--the real you--confident, caring, and wise.

Who would you be without your fears? How would you feel? How would you act?

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming found at
http://noblaming.com

Happy!

Anyone can be "happy" when everything is going well, although many persons who seemingly have everything are very unhappy.

Can you be happy if everything is not perfect in your life? Can you be happy if things appear to be not going well?

"Happy" =  a sense of well-being, of loving and liking yourself, of appreciating who you are, appreciating people around you, and loving life.

If so, you are a blessing to the world.  If not, it doesn't matter what good fortune may come your way.
You'll still find ways to be unhappy, or you'll be in fear of losing what you have.

You are the creator of your experience, regardless of what is going on around you. There is no one to blame for your experience. However your life is going, pour love into it. Don't go through life being an effect; understand that you are cause. Take responsibility without judging.

The love that you are will reflect back to you in the people and circumstances around you.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming. Found at
http://noblaming.com

Really?

"I'm miserable. I'm lonely. I'm suffering." (Hands on hips.) "But at least I know I'm right!" Really? (Deep breath.) Beyond blame is freedom. I want that.

William Frank Diedrich
http://noblaming.com

You Learn

How do you know when you are growing up? One sign is this:
You make a big mistake and you take the opportunity to learn from it rather than beat yourself up.

Or, instead of blaming others, you own it, and you learn.

Life is for learning. If you are not making any mistakes you better feel your heart and make sure it's still beating.

William Frank Diedrich
http://noblaming.com

"You live you learn. You love you learn. You cry you learn. You lose you learn. You bleed you learn. You scream you learn. You grieve you learn. You choke you learn. You laugh you learn. You choose you learn. You pray you learn. You ask you learn. You live you learn."  From Alanis Morrissette, You Learn

Change, Fix, and Improve

Change, fix, and improve. People invest a lot of money on the hope that someday they'll be okay. Stop right now. You are already okay.
• Discover who you are. Your essence.  Your gifts. Your purpose.  Appreciate and express these.
• Discover who you are not. Your judgments. Your fantasies that you will never act upon. Let them go.
• There's no one to blame. This is your movie and you are writing it and living it.

William Frank Diedrich
http://adults-at-work.com

Fear of Fear

Don't be afraid of your fear. It's just a signal. It tells you that your ego is threatened, that you've pushed on its limits; that someone else has threatened your view of self; that you feel unsafe.

Rather than run away from it, dive into it. What does it feel like?  Where is it uncomfortable? Who are you being when you feel this? Push on it, just a little.

Lean into it, like walking into a strong wind. Open your mind and heart to learning from it.
What lies beyond your fear? What are the possibilities? What if you asked that person out?
Does it really matter if they say yes or no. What if you actually started that book, or song or play you said you would write?

Most of us don't fail. We give up.  Better to fail than give up. But then, you may succeed. What do you want? Who would you be without your excuses?

Come out and play!

An Inner Voice is calling to you. Can you hear it? It's saying "Come out and play! The Universe is your amusement park. Dance! Sing! Express! Be you! Forgive! Be the owner of your life and determine what it is that you want. What do you want?"

Whatever you want, ask for it. Work for it. Take steps toward it. Be it.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
The Road Home, Beyond Blaming, and Adults at Work
available at http://adults-at-work.com

Healing begins

We all have positive and negative images we hold. If you insist on being positive all the time, your negatives are still there. Also, by saying that you MUST be positive, you resist the negative. What you resist will persist, and become stronger.

Don't blame yourself and don't make yourself wrong for how you feel.  Accept yourself exactly as you are, including the negative images and emotions. Welcome the negative and immerse yourself in it without resistance. It will play itself out. When the pain subsides, ask yourself what you want. Who do you want to be? How do you want to feel? Embrace that. Feel it. Be it.

Your problem isn't that you don't have enough wisdom, value, power, or love. You are wisdom, value, power, and love. "Problems" are caused by all of the deeply held self images you hold which fool you into believing you must seek after something "out there" to fix you. You need no fixing!

Seek not to change yourself, but to accept yourself--all parts of your self--and healing begins.

William Frank Diedrich
http://adults-at-work.com

You are Powerful

Everyone has power. It is the ability to get things done. Power is the motivation to move forward with confidence whether or not you know the outcome. Power is trust in the Creative Intelligence that drives you.

We are so powerful that we often convince ourselves we are powerless. We pretend that we are each an isolated being dependent on the decisions and moods of others.

We are so powerful that we create amazing stories of weakness and victimization based on what others have done toward us. We are so convinced of our victimhood that we play that role for a lifetime. We experienced pain when others were aggressive toward us, but now we suffer as we cling to the memory of that experience.

It's okay if that is what you think you must do.

But, an Inner Voice is calling to you, saying "Come on out and play! The Universe is your amusement park. Dance! Sing! Express! Be you! Forgive! Be the owner of your life and determine what it is that you want. What do you want?"

Whatever you want, ask for it. Work for it. Take steps toward it. Be it. The way to power? Feel your emotions of powerlessness, your anxiety, frustration, hopelessness, hurt, etc. Experience it and then remind yourself that you have created this state of powerlessness. It's not who you are. Next feel your power. Stand up straight and breathe deeply. Feel the energy of your confidence moving through your body. This is a sample of your power. Give thanks. Ask for guidance. Move forward.
William Frank Diedrich, author of
The Road Home,
Beyond Blaming, and
Adults at Work.
http://intelligentspirit.com/catalog.html

Who are you being?

Good day or bad day--it's your experience and life is to be experienced.
Your experience depends on who you are being at this moment.
Who you are being creates how you are feeling.
Who you are being plus how you feel leads to the chain of thoughts that flow in your mind.

Be---Feel---Think---do (behavior)---results

Who you are being creates how you feel which together determine what you think and then what you do. The results produced are the life you see before you.
Accept this without judgment of self and you can change who you are being, which will change your results and ultimately--your experience.

You are the only creator of your experience. Everyone else is a character in your movie, and you are a character in theirs.  You assign everyone their parts by who you are being.

This is why there is no blame, only responsibility.

William Frank Diedrich
Author of The Road Home, Beyond Blaming, and Adults at Work.
available at http://adults-at-work.com

the Ultimate Payoff

There are many payoffs in playing the role of a victim in life:
•  I get to be special, therefore I am treated special. Maybe you'll take it easy on me because, after all, I'm a victim.
•  Nothing is required of me. You can't expect anything much from a victim, right?
•  I don't have to step up. Others need to do that for me, because I'm still a victim.
• I get to be self-righteously right.
• Whoever hurt me, owes me.

The ultimate payoff is in choosing complete acceptance and responsibility for my life exactly as it is. Now, no one owes me anything. I don't have to wait. I can decide what I want and take steps toward it.
The ultimate payoff is my freedom.

Victim is not who you are--only a role you may play. Courage is not a lack of fear. Courage is facing fear and taking the steps you need to take. Have courage, dear one.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work,
available at http://adults-at-work.com

Nothing is Everything

Nothing in your life is someone else's fault. I repeat, NOTHING. You are the sole creator of your experience.

Once you accept this you become powerful, effective, and free.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming,
available at
http://adults-at-work.com

LIving from the inside out

"We live our lives from the inside out. We each create our own experience. There is no blame. You are where you are. You can respond or not. You can envision the possibilities and take action, or not. What do you want?"
Adapted from Beyond Blaming, by William Frank Diedrich
http://adults-at-work.com/Books.php

Finding Success

"We are more likely to find success when we let go of our need to control the results. As we focus on managing our thoughts rather than the behavior of others, we become more powerful."

Quoted from Beyond Blaming, by William Frank Diedrich

http://noblaming.com

Ownership

If you wonder why problems in government don't get solved, it's easy. No one owns anything. For example, no one owns the deficit. It's always the other party's fault. Ownership is accountability. Unless someone is willing to step up and own the problem, which means committing to finding the solution, committing to doing whatever it takes, nothing gets done.

All of the accusations and blaming and complaining you hear from pundits and politicians mean nothing. Accountability--ownership, means something. With accountability there are no excuses. You succeed or you fail. If you succeed, hooray!  If you fail, it's a learning opportunity.

Accountability is not blame. You become accountable when you commit. Accountability gives you power. If you are accountable for your life, it gets better. If you are accountable for your relationships, they expand and become more fulfilling. When you take a job, own it and you increase your ability to succeed. When leaders become accountable, things begin to change.

William Frank Diedrich
author of Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming.
http://noblaming.com

Breaking through self-imposed limitations

Our most limiting beliefs about ourselves were formed when we were young, helpless, and totally dependent upon "big" people for our well-being.

For most of us, these victim-beliefs continue to be triggered in our adulthood throughout our lifetimes.

Of course the truth is, we are no longer young and helpless, totally dependent on big people for our well-being. Yet, this mindset manifests when we give undue power to government, bosses, significant others, and people in authority positions.

In order to break through these self imposed limitations you have to let the emotional charge that goes with them out. No judgement. No analysis needed. Feel it. Then tell yourself the truth. You are the creator of your experience and no one else. Envision yourself then as the self-assured adult. What does that feel like? Practice being that.

William Frank Diedrich.
author of
Adults at Work
http://adults-at-work.com

Victimhood

Whenever we blame we find ourselves in the victim mode. It's not a happy place to be.
Think about it:
• You're miserable.
• You feel powerless.
• Your well-being depends on what someone else says or does.
• You're frustrated that things aren't changing (in the other person)

The goal of victimhood is justification for the way you feel. It's an unattainable goal.

Try this: Allow yourself to totally be the victim. Feel the emotions fully.
As the emotions run their course, tell yourself the truth. "Victim" is how you feel, not who you are.
Who are you? You are the person who creates your experience. That makes you powerful.
How do you want to feel?
When you are truly powerful:
• You feel joyful.
• You feel free.
• You know that your well-being is completely up to you.
• You are at peace with yourself and others.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming.
http://adults-at-work.com

Waiting for what?

Are you waiting for someone to come along and make you feel confident, or valuable, or important? You'll wait a long time. You are the creator of your experience. Your value and your importance are givens. No one can confer these upon you, because --- how can they give you what you already have?

As for confidence, if you can move beyond doubting your value and importance, you will make progress. See yourself as confident; assume the posture and deep breathing of a confident person; and act as if you deserve what you want. Confidence can be cultivated.

As for those moments of fear, feel the fear and be that powerless person you think you are for a few minutes. Let the emotion move through you. When the emotion wanes, tell yourself the truth and pivot yourself into confident feelings. This is who you really are!
William Frank Diedrich
Author of Adults at Work
Adults-at-work.com

Real growth

Real learning and growth are emotional. You don't think it; you experience it.
It's one thing to analyze and figure it all out mentally, but that rarely creates real growth.
The potential for true growth lies in your negative emotion. Face it; feel it; experience it; own it; and then recognize that it is of your own making.

Now build something positive and strong. Experience that in your mind. Decide that this is who you are.

William Frank Diedrich
http://adults-at-work.com

"Influence with others is increased when we see ourselves as connected to other people. You cannot influence from a place of disconnection."
From Beyond Blaming (Chapter 12), by William Frank Diedrich
http://noblaming.com

Moving beyond blame

We get hurt and we blame. We are emotional beings and it happens.
If we continue to blame, not letting it go, it's like replaying the hurt over and over again.
Wasn't the first time enough? Let it go and be free. Gift yourself that gift!

William Frank Diedrich
Author of Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work.
http://adults-at-work.com

Blaming is a story

Blaming is a story we tell ourselves that isn't true. We say, "That person caused me to be this way."  When in fact, "being this way" is what I am choosing to be.

If that is true, then why is it so hard to get past "being this way." and make a change? It is because our stories about ourselves are so powerful and convincing. But actually, it's just a story. A false identity.

"I'm not good enough."  or  "Nobody wants me." My parents made me feel this way.  My teachers did it to me. Those are stories and identities we have taken on.

We live them; we hide from them; we avoid them with drink and drugs. We feel hurt or angry if we allow ourselves to feel at all.

Whatever your identity/story may be, feel it. Face it by feeling it and being it. Then gently and firmly make a decision that you've had enough of it. After all, it's only made up. Make up something different.

How about:  "Of course people want to be with me." (work with me, play with me, hire me, date me, whatever) "And furthermore, I want to be with me!" Now feel that. Feel it and be it. Imagine it is true.
This is not a comparison between you and others. No need to compare. You just are who you are.

So is it true? Is that who you are?  Remember, our stories about ourselves are powerful and convincing.  Actually, you are quite magnificent, and powerful. Are you ready to step up and be who you really are? That is completely (100%) up to you.

William Frank Diedrich
author of Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work,
http://adults-at-work.com

Become an Adult

To call yourself small or insignificant is false humility. There is nothing small or insignificant about being an adult. You may look at yourself and say: ”Why me? Why should I become a true adult? Who am I to be confident and clear and powerful?” Can you imagine an acorn asking who am I to be an oak? Can you imagine the caterpillar saying why should I be a butterfly? To become a real adult is natural. It’s not special. It doesn’t make you greater than others. It only makes you aware of the greatness already within you--the same greatness, the same beauty that is in everyone. The difference between us lies in our uniqueness, not in our value. 

From Adults at Work, by William Frank Diedrich

Available at http://adults-at-work.com

Responsiveness to Now

Responsiveness to the present moment has us asking: “What is happening right now, and what do I need to do about it? What do I want to see happen, and how can I influence it?"

If you deny or resist what is happening in your life, you may choose to hope rather than act. You hope that something or someone will save you. Hope in this sense, gets in the way of action. By focusing your attention on something outside of you that does not yet exist, you paralyze yourself. Better than hope is expectation. Expect to succeed, and even though you don’t know the future, respond to the moment. Listen to your Inner Voice and take action toward your goal. 

from Adults at Work, by William Frank Diedrich

Available at http://adults-at-work.com

Growing Up

Most of our ideas about ourselves and the world were created when we were small, defenseless, and somewhat powerless. As children we depended upon adults for most of our well-being. Some of us were fighters and learned that being aggressive often brought us what we wanted. Others found that being submissive, if it didn’t bring us what we wanted, at the very least, it afforded us a measure of safety. We learned to manage as small beings in a world run by big people. 

As adults we are no longer small people living in a world run by big people. Despite this, most of us feel a sense of smallness and resort to either submitting to the “big” people (those whom we see as having authority) or rebelling against them. Both submissiveness and rebellion are child-like reactions.

When we grow up, it is up to us to create a healthy identity. Growing up is about learning to manage identities and emotions. It is a sorting out process where we determine which identities and which beliefs we hold are helpful and which are not. If you do not take the time to sort things out for yourself, you will continue to operate as a child.

     As an adult, tendencies toward submission or rebellion are temporary, lasting until that moment when we remember that we are adults.

Adapted from Adults at Work

http://adults-at-work.com

Kindness

People who are hurt, hurt people. So be kind to yourself, and extend that kindness to others.
The tendency to blame only perpetuates the hurt. Still tell the truth, but tell the kind truth.

http://noblaming.com

No More Self Blaming

Many of us carry strange ideas about ourselves. We see ourselves as worthless, unlovable, unattractive, guilty, or as failures. These are not facts, but judgments. They exist only in our minds. The emotions sparked by these ideas are only emotions, not truths about you.

We let these self-blaming ideas go by experiencing them without resisting, yet knowing they are only experiences, not who we are. Next, we choose to become valued, lovable, attractive, or successful, by feeling that idea fully. Sit or stand up straight. Breathe deeply. Smile. Play the role. Make it real. Take your vision into your life by utilizing your body in these positive ways.

You are made in the image of God (Creative Intelligence, Source) however you perceive God to be.
You have a body and a life over which you have great influence.

William Frank Diedrich
Author of Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

Osteen Headlines

Recent headlines stated that Pastor Joel Osteen had quit his church and left Christianity, saying he had lost his faith. The headlines were fake as someone went to a lot of trouble to post websites and tweets and make people think they came from Osteen.

What was interesting was the reactions that I read across the internet. I was amazed at the number of Osteen critics and haters who despised him. At the same time there were those who practically worship him and felt they couldn't go on without his leadership--those whose own faith would fall apart if they thought Joel lost his. 

Personally, I like him. He is a gifted speaker with a positive message. I don't agree with everything he says, and that is no reason to criticize him. The few times I have seen him on the television he has been articulate and somewhat humble. I have never heard him ask me to place my hands on the TV screen while he prays for me and then expect me to send a check to close the deal. I have seen other preachers do that. I don't care if he makes a millions of dollars, lives in a big house, and has a beautiful wife. That's not my business. As far as I can see, those who spend their money on Joel Osteen do so out of choice.  The problem is not Joel Osteen, but the way that we humans tend to perceive public figures. We worship them. We place them on a pedestal, or we bitterly criticize them for their perceived sins. We adore them and want to bask in their energy. 

I have not heard Joel say: "Come to me and I will save you,"  I have heard him offer advice on being positive and being grateful and then expecting you to do your own work. But that's the problem isn't it? We love our speakers, leaders, actors, musicians, politicians, and other people in the news and we try live vicariously through them--or we try to make ourselves feel superior by blaming them. Either way, we make Joel Osteen responsible for our well-being. Either way we avoid looking at ourselves and doing our own work. 

To those of you who adore Joel Osteen and to those of you who hate him, I have one piece of advice: Get a life! To those of you who benefit from his message but take responsibility for yourself, and to those of you who aren't into the Osteen message (and who don't put anyone else on a pedestal either), I'm not worried about you. You are grown up enough to recognize that you have to do your own work and you don't depend on some public figure for your faith, or your confidence, or your well-being.

When I first read the false headlines, I almost wanted them to be true. For a man of his stature to admit publicly his own crisis of faith, that takes courage. That is honest. That is something we can all learn from.

William Frank Diedrich

http://adults-at-work.com

http://noblaming.com

Own it!

Nothing disempowers you like blame. It causes you to forget that you are the creator of your experience, that you create your thoughts and emotions. Healing begins with ownership. If you can't own it, you can't heal it.

This doesn't mean everything is your fault. It's not about fault. It is about how things work. We create our own pain. Knowing this, it gives you the power to heal, to feel better. As long as it is someone else's fault, there is nothing you can do to help yourself.

You have created pain for yourself, and you can also create joy. It begins with owning your self.

http://noblaming.com

Self-Love

Next time your ego takes charge and you do or say things you wish you hadn't, instead of beating yourself up, say this to yourself: "Aren't you adorable! You're worrying about that, but l love you unconditionally, whether you are coming from your ego or from your Higher Self. You are beautiful and you are aware. Thank you for that."

Real self-love will lift you to the heights, while self-blaming will take you into the downward spiral. We've convinced ourselves that self-condemnation is the way to improve. It isn't. You don't need to change yourself. You only need to love yourself.

William Frank Diedrich
Beyond Blaming
http://noblaming.com

Blaming and Distraction

Blaming is a distraction. While accusing others you can avoid yourself. Politicians do it all the time. Behind every accusation made by a political leader is a failure to take responsibility. It's not only politicians, but all of us who distract ourselves. Next time you blame, stop. Ask what part you played to create the current state, or what part you could play to make things better. It is painful to self-reflect, but powerful and freeing. The truth really does set us free. William Frank Diedrich http://noblaming.com

Addiction to Blame

Blaming is addictive.
You can become addicted to being self-righteous.
You can become addicted to drama.
You can become addicted to being the victim.

Healing begins with awareness. Become aware of and accept negative emotion.
Feel it, but don't feed it with more blaming thoughts.
Let it play out then focus instead on what you really want (solution, resolution, peace, etc.)
Whether or not you achieve your goal does not depend on the other person.
You are the sole creator of your experience.
From Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

Collusion to Collaboration

The dynamic of conflict is collusion. In collusion, I need for you to be wrong, bad, or evil. Your "badness" justifies my attitude and behavior. Once I make you "bad" you are no longer a person to me, but an object.

When I begin to see you in terms of your needs and ascribe importance to your concerns, you become a real person to me. We move from collusion to collaboration. We seek a mutually beneficial outcome.

This is true in any conflict whether between family members, co-workers, political partisans, or countries.

William Frank Diedrich, from Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

Transcending the Parent-Child Dynamic

The manager-employee relationship in a traditional organization is a parent-child relationship. In a parent child relationship the child feels powerless, knowing that their existence is dependent upon the parent (adults). As a child you feel compelled to rebel or to comply. At some point it becomes necessary to confront your fears and say to yourself:  ‘I am not a child anymore. I can take care of myself." 

• Be honest

• Be direct

• Be compassionate

• Stop blaming managers for everything and step up!

You are the creator of your own fears, therefore you can choose to let them go.

William Frank Diedrich, author of 

Adults at Work and facilitator of the

For Adults Only workshop  http://adults-at-work.com

Visionary or Blamer?

You are either a blamer or a visionary.

As a blamer, you give people someone to shoot at! (metaphorically speaking)

As a visionary, you give people something to shoot for!

Where do you focus your energy?

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming,  http://noblaming.com

You Are The Cause

If you believe you are not the cause 

of your own experience, then you should 

go find the person who is. 

 Follow that person around and try 
to motivate him/her to fulfill your wants.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming
http://adults-at-work.com

Judge or discern?

Judgment: The act of condemning or  criticizing someone from a position of assumed moral superiority.

Discernment: Distinguishing between. Perceiving.

Blaming comes from judgment. It leads to pain and suffering. Judgment is cruel. You have felt this cruelty when you have been judged by others.

Discernment is necessary. We discern between people and experiences to determine what we want and don't want. We discern between wisdom and foolishness when people speak or write their opinions. Wisdom and foolishness have little or nothing to do with whether or not the person agrees with you. 

Rather than challenge someone who disagrees with you, ask them how they came to their conclusions. Listen without judgment. Discern whether there is any truth in what they say. 
William Frank Diedrich, author, speaker
http://adults-at-work.com