Self-reflection

His name was Jarrod. (Not his real name) He was intelligent, successful, and a good salesman. He shared a support staff with three other professionals. He sold events and often the information the support staff needed from him was late or missing. Yet he expected them to run perfect events. He blamed and criticized them. Some were intimidated by him. It was his job to be at the events he sold, but often he had more important things to do. The staff was left to run things, and he would criticize their efforts.

Over a period of a few years stress and pain increased in the office. Finally his manager confronted him and told him that if there was no improvement in 90 days, he would then be put on a 90 day improvement plan. The situation became worse. He was put on a 90 day improvement plan. I was hired as his coach. We formed a good rapport. I could find no outside forces-- family, spouse, illness that were causing him to behave as he did. He blamed and complained because he felt he was right.

Although we talked extensively about the impact of his way of being and behavior on the staff, he would consistently respond with: "But what about them?" I worked with "them" too, helping them to be more effective with him. He was unable or unwilling to self-reflect. It was always their fault, even when the facts demonstrated a different story. He chose being right over keeping his job. Jarrod lost his job and his manager kindly offered him leads for a new job. 

Self-reflection is necessary to move beyond blaming and function as an adult. If we don't look at ourselves in the mirror, we don't learn or grow. Honest feedback is needed or we may never understand and correct our errors.  I couldn't help Jarrod but I helped the manager and his staff to move on. There are times when a person improves an organization by leaving it. 

William Frank Diedrich,  Beyond Blaming,  found at http://noblaming.com