The conjunction "but" in most cases deletes the first part of the sentence. For example: "I would like to work with him, but he's a jerk." "He's a jerk." is the real message along with the assertion that it is his fault you can't work with him. This form of blaming is common. The downside is that it puts all of the responsibility on the other person and presents you as a victim. Certainly some people offer a challenge to us.
The answer is to kick your "but." The question needs to be asked: "What do I want? Do I want to work with him? Do I need to work with him?" If the answer is "Yes." to any of those questions, then we can ask "How?" How can I become a more positive influence? How can I effectively engage with this person? What steps might I take? When we ask these questions we kick our 'but's" and become more effective, more powerful.
For more on this, see my video of the same title at http://noblaming.com/Workshops.html
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