LIving from the inside out

"We live our lives from the inside out. We each create our own experience. There is no blame. You are where you are. You can respond or not. You can envision the possibilities and take action, or not. What do you want?"
Adapted from Beyond Blaming, by William Frank Diedrich
http://adults-at-work.com/Books.php

Finding Success

"We are more likely to find success when we let go of our need to control the results. As we focus on managing our thoughts rather than the behavior of others, we become more powerful."

Quoted from Beyond Blaming, by William Frank Diedrich

http://noblaming.com

Ownership

If you wonder why problems in government don't get solved, it's easy. No one owns anything. For example, no one owns the deficit. It's always the other party's fault. Ownership is accountability. Unless someone is willing to step up and own the problem, which means committing to finding the solution, committing to doing whatever it takes, nothing gets done.

All of the accusations and blaming and complaining you hear from pundits and politicians mean nothing. Accountability--ownership, means something. With accountability there are no excuses. You succeed or you fail. If you succeed, hooray!  If you fail, it's a learning opportunity.

Accountability is not blame. You become accountable when you commit. Accountability gives you power. If you are accountable for your life, it gets better. If you are accountable for your relationships, they expand and become more fulfilling. When you take a job, own it and you increase your ability to succeed. When leaders become accountable, things begin to change.

William Frank Diedrich
author of Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming.
http://noblaming.com

Breaking through self-imposed limitations

Our most limiting beliefs about ourselves were formed when we were young, helpless, and totally dependent upon "big" people for our well-being.

For most of us, these victim-beliefs continue to be triggered in our adulthood throughout our lifetimes.

Of course the truth is, we are no longer young and helpless, totally dependent on big people for our well-being. Yet, this mindset manifests when we give undue power to government, bosses, significant others, and people in authority positions.

In order to break through these self imposed limitations you have to let the emotional charge that goes with them out. No judgement. No analysis needed. Feel it. Then tell yourself the truth. You are the creator of your experience and no one else. Envision yourself then as the self-assured adult. What does that feel like? Practice being that.

William Frank Diedrich.
author of
Adults at Work
http://adults-at-work.com

Victimhood

Whenever we blame we find ourselves in the victim mode. It's not a happy place to be.
Think about it:
• You're miserable.
• You feel powerless.
• Your well-being depends on what someone else says or does.
• You're frustrated that things aren't changing (in the other person)

The goal of victimhood is justification for the way you feel. It's an unattainable goal.

Try this: Allow yourself to totally be the victim. Feel the emotions fully.
As the emotions run their course, tell yourself the truth. "Victim" is how you feel, not who you are.
Who are you? You are the person who creates your experience. That makes you powerful.
How do you want to feel?
When you are truly powerful:
• You feel joyful.
• You feel free.
• You know that your well-being is completely up to you.
• You are at peace with yourself and others.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming.
http://adults-at-work.com

Waiting for what?

Are you waiting for someone to come along and make you feel confident, or valuable, or important? You'll wait a long time. You are the creator of your experience. Your value and your importance are givens. No one can confer these upon you, because --- how can they give you what you already have?

As for confidence, if you can move beyond doubting your value and importance, you will make progress. See yourself as confident; assume the posture and deep breathing of a confident person; and act as if you deserve what you want. Confidence can be cultivated.

As for those moments of fear, feel the fear and be that powerless person you think you are for a few minutes. Let the emotion move through you. When the emotion wanes, tell yourself the truth and pivot yourself into confident feelings. This is who you really are!
William Frank Diedrich
Author of Adults at Work
Adults-at-work.com

Real growth

Real learning and growth are emotional. You don't think it; you experience it.
It's one thing to analyze and figure it all out mentally, but that rarely creates real growth.
The potential for true growth lies in your negative emotion. Face it; feel it; experience it; own it; and then recognize that it is of your own making.

Now build something positive and strong. Experience that in your mind. Decide that this is who you are.

William Frank Diedrich
http://adults-at-work.com

"Influence with others is increased when we see ourselves as connected to other people. You cannot influence from a place of disconnection."
From Beyond Blaming (Chapter 12), by William Frank Diedrich
http://noblaming.com

Moving beyond blame

We get hurt and we blame. We are emotional beings and it happens.
If we continue to blame, not letting it go, it's like replaying the hurt over and over again.
Wasn't the first time enough? Let it go and be free. Gift yourself that gift!

William Frank Diedrich
Author of Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work.
http://adults-at-work.com

Blaming is a story

Blaming is a story we tell ourselves that isn't true. We say, "That person caused me to be this way."  When in fact, "being this way" is what I am choosing to be.

If that is true, then why is it so hard to get past "being this way." and make a change? It is because our stories about ourselves are so powerful and convincing. But actually, it's just a story. A false identity.

"I'm not good enough."  or  "Nobody wants me." My parents made me feel this way.  My teachers did it to me. Those are stories and identities we have taken on.

We live them; we hide from them; we avoid them with drink and drugs. We feel hurt or angry if we allow ourselves to feel at all.

Whatever your identity/story may be, feel it. Face it by feeling it and being it. Then gently and firmly make a decision that you've had enough of it. After all, it's only made up. Make up something different.

How about:  "Of course people want to be with me." (work with me, play with me, hire me, date me, whatever) "And furthermore, I want to be with me!" Now feel that. Feel it and be it. Imagine it is true.
This is not a comparison between you and others. No need to compare. You just are who you are.

So is it true? Is that who you are?  Remember, our stories about ourselves are powerful and convincing.  Actually, you are quite magnificent, and powerful. Are you ready to step up and be who you really are? That is completely (100%) up to you.

William Frank Diedrich
author of Beyond Blaming and Adults at Work,
http://adults-at-work.com