Blaming and Distraction

Blaming is a distraction. While accusing others you can avoid yourself. Politicians do it all the time. Behind every accusation made by a political leader is a failure to take responsibility. It's not only politicians, but all of us who distract ourselves. Next time you blame, stop. Ask what part you played to create the current state, or what part you could play to make things better. It is painful to self-reflect, but powerful and freeing. The truth really does set us free. William Frank Diedrich http://noblaming.com

Addiction to Blame

Blaming is addictive.
You can become addicted to being self-righteous.
You can become addicted to drama.
You can become addicted to being the victim.

Healing begins with awareness. Become aware of and accept negative emotion.
Feel it, but don't feed it with more blaming thoughts.
Let it play out then focus instead on what you really want (solution, resolution, peace, etc.)
Whether or not you achieve your goal does not depend on the other person.
You are the sole creator of your experience.
From Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

Collusion to Collaboration

The dynamic of conflict is collusion. In collusion, I need for you to be wrong, bad, or evil. Your "badness" justifies my attitude and behavior. Once I make you "bad" you are no longer a person to me, but an object.

When I begin to see you in terms of your needs and ascribe importance to your concerns, you become a real person to me. We move from collusion to collaboration. We seek a mutually beneficial outcome.

This is true in any conflict whether between family members, co-workers, political partisans, or countries.

William Frank Diedrich, from Beyond Blaming,
http://noblaming.com

Transcending the Parent-Child Dynamic

The manager-employee relationship in a traditional organization is a parent-child relationship. In a parent child relationship the child feels powerless, knowing that their existence is dependent upon the parent (adults). As a child you feel compelled to rebel or to comply. At some point it becomes necessary to confront your fears and say to yourself:  ‘I am not a child anymore. I can take care of myself." 

• Be honest

• Be direct

• Be compassionate

• Stop blaming managers for everything and step up!

You are the creator of your own fears, therefore you can choose to let them go.

William Frank Diedrich, author of 

Adults at Work and facilitator of the

For Adults Only workshop  http://adults-at-work.com

Visionary or Blamer?

You are either a blamer or a visionary.

As a blamer, you give people someone to shoot at! (metaphorically speaking)

As a visionary, you give people something to shoot for!

Where do you focus your energy?

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Beyond Blaming,  http://noblaming.com

You Are The Cause

If you believe you are not the cause 

of your own experience, then you should 

go find the person who is. 

 Follow that person around and try 
to motivate him/her to fulfill your wants.

William Frank Diedrich, author of Beyond Blaming
http://adults-at-work.com

Judge or discern?

Judgment: The act of condemning or  criticizing someone from a position of assumed moral superiority.

Discernment: Distinguishing between. Perceiving.

Blaming comes from judgment. It leads to pain and suffering. Judgment is cruel. You have felt this cruelty when you have been judged by others.

Discernment is necessary. We discern between people and experiences to determine what we want and don't want. We discern between wisdom and foolishness when people speak or write their opinions. Wisdom and foolishness have little or nothing to do with whether or not the person agrees with you. 

Rather than challenge someone who disagrees with you, ask them how they came to their conclusions. Listen without judgment. Discern whether there is any truth in what they say. 
William Frank Diedrich, author, speaker
http://adults-at-work.com