Forgiveness

Forgiveness is how you move beyond blaming yourself.
Think about all of the stupid things you've said and the hurtful things you've done, and forgive yourself.  
There is only one thing that stops you from forgiving yourself  -- you don't want to do it.
But what does your guilt buy? What does your incessant self-critical voice actually do for you?
Do you think that if you punish yourself enough you'll be acceptable to God? You are acceptable as you are.

The great thing about being alive today is that you get to start again. Learn from mistakes but don't use them to hold yourself hostage. Give up your past and love the present. You are a blessing to the world.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
The Road Home, and Beyond Blaming, and Adults at Work.
http://intelligentspirit.com/catalog.html

Adult to Adult Conversations

Some things to keep in mind this political season:
•  If someone disagrees with you, it doesn't mean they are stupid.
•  If you are passionately for or against a candidate -- it doesn't mean you are right.
•  Your disdain for one candidate or another says something about you.
•  If you dismiss the opinions of others, then why would they listen to you?
•  You really don't know what is best for your country. All you have are thoughts, perceptions,           dreams, hopes, prayers, and ideas. Cast your vote according to what you think is right. Accept the results without whining and complaining. Whoever becomes president has the world's hardest job and needs your support.
•  We have to grow up and learn how to have adult to adult conversations. This means that we respect each other and seek first to understand.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Adults at Work: How Individuals and Organizations Can Grow Up
http://adults-at-work.com

You receive as you have given

We often blame people for the way they react to us. Yet, we influence their reactions. If you bring joy and appreciation into your workplace or your family, you will inspire positive reactions. If you bring anger and hurt, you will probably inspire negative reactions.

You are a center of influence and what you think and feel -- and how you behave has a ripple effect. We are usually receiving what we are giving, in some form. Rather than blame, reflect. Who is the person you are being in that relationship? What story are you telling yourself about that person?

Let go of the story, because it's just a story. It's not real. Opinions and judgments are not real. Step back and ask: What is really happening here? What do I want? What are my next steps?

Be what you want. If you want love; be love. If you want peace; be peace. You are a center of influence and the thoughts and feelings you carry inside are the gifts you give to the world. You will receive as you have given.

William Frank Diedrich, author of
Adults at Work and Beyond Blaming
Purchase both at a discount at http://adults-at-work.com

Transactional Relationships

Most workplace relationships appear to be transactional in nature. This means that we operate on a reward and punishment basis.  If you do what I want you to do, I reward you. If you don't do what I want, I punish you.

Transactional relationships are mostly parent-child interactions. The manager asks: "How come that job isn't done."  The staff member defends: "I had too much to do." This is not how real adults interact.

An adult interaction would be more like this:  Manager asks: "Have you completed that job I asked you to do?"
Staff member responds: "Not yet. I have several things going here."
Manager responds: "Let's look at what you have and prioritize. I really need that job done by 3 pm."
Staff member responds: "I can do it if I set everything else aside."    And so on.
This is an adult interaction.

There are no victims in an adult conversation. Two people negotiate the outcome that is best for all concerned.

William Frank Diedrich,  author of the book -- Adults at Work: How Individuals and Organizations Can Grow Up.   http://adults-at -work.com        New workshop offering:  For Adults Only --  See the website.

Adults at Work

In traditional organizations, bosses function as parents and the employees as their children. Authority is the way to get things done.  In today's reality, authority is ineffective as a motivator. People don't want to be controlled. 

In evolving organizations people work in partnership. Each person plays a role and is unconditionally accountable for his/her role and responsibilities. This requires that we engage in adult to adult conversations, that we are honest, caring, and direct. It requires that we become our authentic selves at work. To achieve real success we need to be adults at work.

Adults at Work, by William Frank Diedrich

http://adults-at-work.com

Blame-storming

Blaming is used to demonstrate that other people or external factors caused a failure. We don't learn from this because the quest to assign blame takes precedence over learning and real accountability. "Blame-storming" occurs rather than brainstorming. There is a lack of real accountability, because no one really owns anything.

From Adults at Work, by William Frank Diedrich
http://adults-at-work.com

One thought away

When we feel powerless, we complain or blame. What we fail to recognize is that we are but one breath and one thought away from being powerful.

You may find yourself in a situation where you feel nervous or fearful, or frustrated. Remember that emotion is created by your thoughts. Your thought, conscious or subconscious, is creating your present moment reality.  Instead of feeding your fear by complaining and blaming, and feeding your fear by thinking fearful and victim-like thoughts -- stop.

Observe yourself in this situation as if you were floating up above. Take a deep breath. Continue breathing deeply. Observe yourself and others non-judgmentally.

Ask for Spiritual help, however you consider "Spirit" to be -- to help you see this situation as it really is.
This gets you out of your ego.

Ask these two questions:
1. What do I want to come of this? (Your intention)
2. What needs to happen, or what do I need to do to accomplish my intention?

Take action, as indicated, by the wisdom that comes to you. This may be mental, verbal, or physical. Your degree of success will depend on how willing you are to set fear aside and move forward.

For more on "Adult" responses to conflict and life in general, read my book:  Adults at Work.
It is available at http://adults-at-work.com and at http://intelligentspirit.com/catalog.html

From Victim to Victor

From my book -- Beyond Blaming
One of my clients was an extremely stressed-out manager who saw the job and the people he worked with as the cause of his stress. I talked to his employees and colleagues. What came up was his tendency to criticize customers and other leaders in the organization in front of his employees. He admitted he did that. We talked about what results he was producing with his behavior.

He began to see that he was teaching his employees to complain about and blame customers and leaders in other departments. He affected customer service in a negative way by blaming and teaching others to blame. He was undermining his own authority by blaming others and making himself appear powerless. His focus on things he could not change created his stress. His "venting" did not release stress, but created more of it for himself and his employees. Each time he complained he became angry, which was a problem for his employees.

Seeing himself in this way was a shock. He didn't want to be a victim. He immediately stopped "venting" in front of his employees. His employees needed him to be a leader and an example. They needed his help in solving problems, not to be a sounding board for his problems. Other leaders needed him to listen and take effective action. He became aware of these needs and stepped up. As a result, most of his stress disappeared.

http://intelligentspirit.com/catalog.html
Also available at http://adults-at-work.com